Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize