I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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