The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
