yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
