and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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