i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
