I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
