She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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