I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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