thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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