how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You may now shotgun with the bride
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
