I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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