His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
