Say something about gay babies.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
