I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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