Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
