my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
