His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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