Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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