we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
this is an emotional support booty call
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
