Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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