In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
