His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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