i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
