We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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