Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
