I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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