im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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