Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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