I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
