Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
