sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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