He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
