She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
there is puke in my bra ... again
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
