btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
