this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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