Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
