just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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