so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize