Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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