how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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