You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
