In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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