She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
