saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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