I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
