I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
