Old men and throwing up are my life now.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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