I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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