After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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