I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
