oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
