if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
