it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
