If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
