New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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