let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
