I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
