I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
