I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
