I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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