tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
