Can i not drive my cunt home
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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