Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
