I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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