"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Randomize
