I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize