i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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