dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
