Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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